I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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