I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
