Where is the hickey?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
