the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
