is your mom at the bar?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
