I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize