We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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