I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
my god I love twenty year old dicks
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize