Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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