I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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