I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because Iโm drunk alone and hungry.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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