She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
