CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
