Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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