I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
