We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
