She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
