I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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