Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
