Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
