oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
