I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
