Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
