Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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