why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize