Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize