The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
