I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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