I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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