I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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