My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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