Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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