what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I party with great urgency now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
