Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
