Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize