Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
