i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
