your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
