The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
