ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
