I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
