At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
