Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
