Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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