you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize