Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
