dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
