she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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