I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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