im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
