it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
