i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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