Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
