we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
