My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i think im in europe. pls send help
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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