In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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