3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
