im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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