btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
