It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
