I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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