Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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