The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
