to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
