I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
