1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
