I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
