erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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