how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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