I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
