I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
