I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
