I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
