It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
