Plan B is the new Plan A
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
