she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize