Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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