I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
