Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
