i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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