Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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