i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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