yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
