i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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