Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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