Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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